Holiday wishes

Because happy surprises come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, here’s wishing everyone the best of the holiday season!

Looking for Structure

When Matthew turned a year old last month, we came to realize that we had to start working in some changes in our days. Our schedules had been baby-led since Matthew was born, an advice we agreed with when taken in the context that most baby activities at the age revolve around eating, sleeping and other biological items.

But as Matthew is gaining not just mobility, but acurious and quickly-absorbing mind, we know that we have to give him some sort of structure that he can depend on.

According to an article on the International Nanny Association website, “Children need to know what to expect from their day. When there is no schedule, no predictability, it causes them to feel ‘out of order,’ thus they have a tendency to fuss, whine and throw tantrums. Research has proven that children’s brains are chemically altered when they experience change in their routine. The less predictable their day is, the less content the children are and the less they are able to cope with change comfortably as they grow older.”

This, I must say, is a difficulty for parents who have always worked for themselves, for most of their lives. As freelancers/self-employed professionals, we our spoiled about having control over our own time. As spouses, we can choose to co-exist during seasons of demanding work loads. But with a baby? We have to learn to live with each other, and be sensitive to each other’s needs.

My husband and I have thrived in creative environments and have long been slaves to the spontaneous nature that come with such. It is something we are trying to work in our home life, even as we find it difficult to schedule even just dinner on a regular time. But as everything changed when we got pregnant, we are continually making adjustments.

We recently (finally) bought a book that is suitable for Matthew’s (and, hence, our parenting’s) stage of development, On Becoming Toddlerwise, which I am finding out through my online surfing, is quite controversial when it comes to the advice it gives regarding being strict about structure. But most level-headed parents do agree that there is no one book that will be authoritative on any child, as everyone is different. We take what we are comfortable with and what we coincides with our beliefs.

Its chapter on structuring the day was what attracted me quickly. We have yet to fully try it out; right now, we’re working out sleeping habits. After a week of imposed bedtime (taking into consideration our living situations), Matthew predictably wakes up between 7 and 8 am, settles down for a nap between 10 and 11 am, takes another nap sometime between 4 and 5 pm, and turns in for the day between 9 and 10 pm. He used to like keeping up with us, since he sleeps in our room and we like staying up to catch up on our days. (Sometimes, we don’t sleep until the wee hours of the morning, and that could have been a problem, have we not averted it.)

Soon enough, I hope to integrate some structured play into his days. We have broken our no-television-watching rule a few times already to distract him during times that we had our hands full with something (no more than 10 minutes at a time, though, and only with videos, not TV shows), but I’d very much prefer to provide him other sources of stimulation for him. Already, we have seen a penchant for music, drawing and books. Add that to a boundless supply of energy, and we have very full days ahead.

Thus, admittedly, this daily structure will be for our sanity as much as it is for Matthew’s benefit.