Of Motherhood and Hyphenates

The modern mother can easily be wife-mother-caregiver-housekeeper-cook-
bookkeeper-cheerleader-executive-employer-colleague, at any time, if not all the time. Isn’t she lucky? Am I?

These days, I am thinking about guest lists and party venues, of friends, family and celebration. In about a month and a half, my son turns two. The year has flown by indeed, and it seems that days go by faster with an energetic toddler by one’s side.

When I began this blog, it was in celebration of a year of parenthood and Matthew’s first year of life. So much has happened since. Matthew’s milestones were quite predictable, after all, many books and websites have published their own versions of periodic triumphs and achievements. It’s the parental milestones that I had hoped to document, based on our day-to-day experience of raising a child.

As it is, life has happened, and writing here was put aside. While there are many unpublished tales, there are too many memorable events. The past months have blurred the professional and the familial as Armand and I set up office in our home, putting our freelance and consultancy careers into full gear. We share our space with Matthew, his toys and his need for attention and care.

Work has taken a lot of time, and I can only wish that days would last longer or that, on the flipside, there was no need for sleep or rest anymore. But getting work done is important, I realize. Life may have changed with the advent of child and family, but life did not stop. In fact, in this day and age, we are constantly encouraged (if not bombarded) with reasons to do more, to be more.

The modern mother, in fact, can benefit from the evolution of the times. Present-day parenthood places a premium on hands-on rearing. Progressive work policies and environments allow her to manage resources to balance home and work. The hands-on father is a bonus she enjoys as well, he who chooses to be close to his child—a certain shift of paradigm from previous paternal patterns.

Sometimes, I think I would like to be like this evolved mother, she who believes she can be all that she wants to be. After all, the principles of contemporary womanhood presume that there is no need to be stuck in the fork of choices. Taking all the roads and wearing different hats are the prerogative, if not the norm, of this day and age. It is the era of the Hyphenate, one who claims many roles and titles, chaining them together with this empowered punctuation mark.

Never is this truer than for the working mom, who juggles career, parenthood, marriage, homemaking and social obligations on a regular basis. The working mother embodies the Hyphenate that many take for granted. After all, isn’t a woman expected to be domesticated, maternal, and the heart of a home, while she is also being given the power, authority, and position for a successful professional life? Thus, she can easily be wife-mother-caregiver-housekeeper-cook-bookkeeper-cheerleader-
executive-employer-colleague, at any time, if not all the time.

Certainly, the modern mother is a privileged one. Or is she? Am I? The pressure to do everything can break down even the toughest, the smartest, the most accomplished. But we, as women, force ourselves to live up to the ideal to be every-woman.

Perhaps, really, we should just realize that the Hyphenate is a label that dares to define the essence of a person. It can be, if so wrongly utilized, a desperate attempt to cling on to past lives and comfort zones. In turn, it objectifies us by listing what we do, instead of exploring who we are.

My son turns two in November. He has no idea that sometimes, when I am writing things down or typing on the keyboard, that I am putting together a party to mark another year in his life. He goes on playing, asking for this or that, running, jumping, shrieking, and all things little toddler boys happen to do. Most times though, he is demanding that I stop what I’m doing and sit or dance or run with him, not because I have a bio that will impress him. That doesn’t matter to him, not right now. That is a relief.