Perspectives

There must be some sort of tension that lies between the roles of being a mother and being a writer. A writer who writes for the sake of writing, and not for the intent of glorified acclaim that comes with publication, is one who turns inward. When I write, I unabashedly present my views, my fears, my experiences as the crux of reality, contained in verses or in prose riding on cadence. I control how I portray high and low points, as I hush screaming voices and exclaim quiet victories. I tell my world to patiently wait for me to make my point.

Writing, it has been for me, an exercise in struggling with truths that I have yet to understand. Oftentimes, it allows me to ask and ponder—and sometimes to assume—what it is I consider important and significant. As a writer, I am allowed to be indulgent in boundlessness. It is this indulgence in possibilities that I relish, that which allows me recapture reality in countless perspectives.

The mother who writes needs to relearn life in the world. When my baby cries, I realize that the center of the universe has shifted to this helpless, demanding infant. I can no longer make assumptions on what is important, the universe has made one for me. By thrusting this new life in my hands to help form into his own self, the world assumes that my role is to reach out to him constantly. As a mother, I indulge my child as he tries out his voice with a scream and as he claims his little victories. I listen patiently as he tries to make a point.

And then, as I watch him fearlessly disregard boundaries, I know I can share with him the realm of possibilities I cherish—reality’s countless perspectives are wide open to both of us.

Measuring up

Is keeping score preventing you from bringing your parenting a-game?

During one of our classes in Gymboree, I heard a mom reprimand her son under her breath, “Stop playing! Just do it!”

We were at a play class for toddlers. My son, unfortunately or not, seems to have been the source of such an outburst, as Matthew was happily in performer mode. What I wish I told that mom was that the kids are free to play, because that’s what kids do. Matthew’s behaves considerably well in those classes because he knows what to expect (and admittedly, I come prepared too). But if anyone looks back to our first time, they would witness a baby who was either crying or wandering off somewhere.

Some moms do feel secure enough to bring the subject up, and they are a little shocked when I tell them that it initially took the entire month for Matthew to participate in class from start to finish. But the satisfaction that I had as a parent came when I saw that little proud face successfully joining in the activities so he could finally engage properly, not compete, with his classmates.

I recently came across an article on competitive parents. “My Baby Can Read!” … and other true, terrifying tales of competitive moms delves into our tendency to compete as parents and posits that it’s our way of assuring ourselves that our kids are doing okay.

“When it’s your first baby in particular, you’re a little uncertain about your parenting skills, so competing with other moms can be a way of validating those skills,” says Cheryl Dellasega, Ph.D., author of Mean Girls Grown Up: Adult Women Who Are Still Queen Bees, Middle Bees, and Afraid-to-Bees. “We want to feel, ‘I’m a really good mom because my child is sleeping through the night.’”

When competition gets crazy, friendships get strained too. I admit that at times, I feel quite pressured to live up to grand expectations that I place on myself, because I get the impressions that my mom friends are doing such wonderfully flawless parenting jobs. Their little tots join soccer camps, count until 20, are potty trained early, behave at restaurants, and can do many other little tricks. Luckily, these are also the same moms, who given the chance, will give me the slap on the head and remind me that we are all going through similar struggles.

Others, as the article reveals, have it harder.

Like many moms, Christine Lewis of Haltom City, Texas, has found that competition can quickly sink a friendship. Witness a trip she took with a mom who’d been competing with Lewis since their first children were born. Hour after hour in Lewis’s car, the other mom yakked on about her own efforts to get her daughter into the right kindergarten — seeming to imply that Lewis wasn’t doing enough for her son’s future. “By the end of the trip,” Lewis says, “I was about ready to strangle her.”

So what is a mom, who everyday will be experiencing some level of doubt or frustration, to do when faced with such competitive spirit? I am a firm believer in choosing the right company, as well as sifting through all the information that reaches me. Ultimately, as a parent, we know what works best for our kids and our family. It takes a deep breath, some common sense and strong relationships to help us hurdle the parenting obstacles without needing to join the race.

(What are other parents saying about this? Check out this bulletin board thread at the Babycentre site.)

Sweet Treats for Your Holidays

If you’re a foodie, or specifically a sweet tooth like I am, tuning on to food bloggers and their top picks and recommendations is a must. Now that the holidays are only a few weeks away and Christmas parties springing every few days, bringing scrumptious desserts are certainly appreciated, to say the least. My husband, unfortunately, is not that fond of cakes and desserts. I, however, am in sweet heaven just thinking about it. I do try to make sure that my kid doesn’t take after me because I am truly addicted to sweets, it’s not even a joke.

Lori Baltazar, of Dessert Comes First, has released her Manila’s 10 Best Desserts (part 1 and part 2). Out of her list, I had only tried out Sweet Bella’s cakes. Truth be told, that was on assignment for Wedding Essentials featuring Christina’s lovely dessert bars. The Strawberry Charlotte is both luscious and light, a must try for those who like to mix the fruit and sugar. Christina, when it comes to chocolate, likes it dark. Rich without the suya. I salivate with the memory.

Being a fan of Lori, I look forward to checking out the items on her list. Incidentally, I happened to have been part of her amazing dessert tea party a couple of years ago where I feasted about the scrumptious fare of her (then) favorite homebakers. One of them, Roshan, just recently and finally went online (thanks to Marketmanila for the tip). Her cookies are huge and she does now scrimp on the those Ghirardelli chocolate. Check out her special Christmas packages too!